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Underneath the Tree
special thanks to my mom for this joke
There was a nurse who worked in an old folks home. Everyday she would pass this one guy who looked extermly sad. One day she decided to ask him why was he so down. He simple replied "Because nobody has held my friend in such a long time," he motioned towards his penis. "Will you hold it for me?"
Of course the nurse refused, but from that day on the man would beg her to. One day she finally gave in she told the man to meet her outside underneath the tree. When she went out side sure enough there he was so she went to sit next to him and hold his penis. Soon they started to make a daily habbit out of it.
One day the nurse went to his room to tell him it was that time again, but to her suprise he wasn't there. So she went outside thinking maybe he was waiting for her already. She found him outside sitting under their tree with another woman! The nurse was so furious she stormed over and demanded what was going on. "What does she have that I don't?" The nurse asked offended.
"Parkinson's Disease," replied the man smiling
The Orgin of the Dildo-Chin:
There is a little show on the Oxygen Channle called "Sex Talk with Sue Johanson" formerly known as "Sunday Night Sex Show" This show is a dream come true for perverts! It's a roit. Well Ms. Johanson was on the Cocan O'Brien Show one night and she had a her bag of goodies with her. Her big finalle for the bag of goodies was the what my friends and I call "The Dildo-Chin". It was Dildo on straps that you would loop around your ears and hang off your chin. It would bob up and down when you moved your mouth. See image below
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| I made this in paint it so bare with me lol.... |
The Most Perverted Sport:
Just recently my friends and I have come to the conclusion that Badmittin is the most perverted sport. For one reason and one reason alone. The birdie is also known as a shuttlecock which can be shortened to cock. This can bring up such phrases:
"Ow I got the cock in my eye!"
"I'm smacking the cock!"
"Be more gentle with the cock don't hit it so hard!"
"Put this cock in your mouth"..."No I don't know where that cock has been!"
"I'm sorry i hit you with my cock."
and I'm sure you can come up with many more amusing sayings when it comes to Badmittin!
Books - boobs
Pencil - penis
Autmatic Pencils - vibrator
Where's the Cream Filling?
thankies nicole!
A man on the third floor of an apartment building had just finished having sex. He decided to make the bed and clean up the place so he put the condom on the windowsill, but when he went to grab it fell. The man nervous that someone would find ran down stairs to retrieve his used condom. To his dismay a little boy had found it and picked it up. He asked the little boy if he could have it but the boy said no. So the man offered him two dollars and the little boy gratetfully had the condom over.
Later on when the little boy returned home his mother asked him where he got the two dollars from. "Some man the gave me two dollars for his twinkie," replied the little boy "but he was really stupid cause I sucked all the cream filling first."
The Three Stages of Hell
brought to you by Izzy.
A man was sent to Hell. When he got there the devil told him there were three stages of hell the man could choose from to be tortured for forever. The man had his choice of the stages and could see each one before he made his decision.
The first stage was to be slice into small pieces very slowly.
The second stage was to be stabbed with needles and let the blood run out slowly.
When the he got to the last stage he saw this huge, sweaty, ugly man getting a blow job from a pretty looking girl. The man quickly picked this stage. Then the devil turned to the girl and said "Ok you have been relieved of your sentence."
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